Political Commentary and the Obesity Epidemic

...Dr Pepper thinks it's up to the challenge. The soft drink company says it will give a free can of Dr Pepper to "everyone in America"...if "Chinese Democracy" arrives anytime during the calendar year 2008.

...It will be the first album of fresh Guns N' Roses material since the 1991 sets "Use Your Illusion I" and "Use Your Illusion II." Rose has reportedly burned through $13 million in recording expenses for "Chinese Democracy," and also burned his bridges with the bandmates who helped him turn Guns into one of the biggest rock groups in the world by the early 1990s.

LINK

Alright, so one of the most anticipated albums of the last few decades has been in limbo for what seems like an eternity. But what if there is no actual album? What if we are doomed to look at headlines of "Chinese Democracy may arrive soon?" until the end of time? Is that the point? I find it curious that Rose decided to name the album "Chinese Democracy" in the first place and then set it permanently on hiatus. Perhaps there is some latent commentary on the fact that there is a good chance that Chinese Democracy will never arrive.

Also, a free soda? Come on. That's one more reason to keep that shit on the shelves. That Tuesday will be the day the world gains a couple million pounds in sugar weight. Gross.

What the fuck is a Barack?

Excerpt from the awesome DMX interview at XXL.

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

Hi, I'm Chris Hansen. Please have a seat...

The Roots feat. Patrick Stump - Birthday Girl (download)

At first this song seems like an ode to barely legal debauchery. At second, too. And third. It's about waiting for an underage girl's 18th b-day to continue the "?uest" for her "love." But despite the horrible hook, the blatant play at striking again with a "Seed 2.0" ripoff, and the obvious pandering to the teenage public, are Black Thought and the Roots trying to actually denounce these actions? These guys, after all, are known to enjoy satire.

At the end of the first verse he says "But I should've known better/ cause now I feel like America/ underbelly R. Kelly gutter smut peddlers... that's not my twist, you're trying to send me to the therapist." But still, in the story his nubile love interest seems to relent until at the end of the second verse Black Thought spits, "it's your birthday so let me know the gift you wanna get/ in fact, blow out the candles on the cake and make a wish"... implying... something something?

I'm bad at parsing lyrics. But I know these catchy choruses are cringeworthy. "What is it we wanna do? Now that I'm allowed to be alone with you. It's your birthday, girl. It's your birthday."

Barf. But I'm also strangely enticed. Maybe when I find out what they really are talking about the mystery will let me leave this disgusting tune alone. I still can't believe they got the *other* guy from Fall Out Boy to do the hook.

I'm the yellow Frank White

Living in New York (Yes, I'm bragging), I have started to experience uniquely New York things like bitching about expensive rent, being splashed by passing traffic driving through puddles and paying New York sales tax. Also, I've taken it upon myself to start reading the New Yorker. Or at least spend $5 to hold it on the train and look smart while gawking at confusing cartoons. Well, the New Yorker has a cartoon caption contest every week, so I thought I would start participating in it on this here blog and show you what I can come up with.

This week's cartoon:



My caption: "Hey, man. Get the fuck down from my couch. And where did those flags come from?"

Alternate: "I'm glad you've come around on the idea of the Confederacy, Mr. Bush."

Another: "I'm sensing some mommy issues here, but our time is up now. Leave the check with my receptionist."

Hiatus over!

KLAK-KLAK (sound of cell doors opening)!

The I'm Not Funny Project was sentenced to a one year hiatus for being unfunny, un-ironically. But the blog police has granted us early release with 6 months parole on the condition that we attend weekly HA (humorless anonymous) meetings.

So rejoin Shredder and Mac China on a (hopefully) regular basis while we take a trip through our hi-lar-ious insights and reactions to this crazy world. Wow! Am I being funny yet? No? Please don't tell my PO...