Hi, I'm Chris Hansen. Please have a seat...

The Roots feat. Patrick Stump - Birthday Girl (download)

At first this song seems like an ode to barely legal debauchery. At second, too. And third. It's about waiting for an underage girl's 18th b-day to continue the "?uest" for her "love." But despite the horrible hook, the blatant play at striking again with a "Seed 2.0" ripoff, and the obvious pandering to the teenage public, are Black Thought and the Roots trying to actually denounce these actions? These guys, after all, are known to enjoy satire.

At the end of the first verse he says "But I should've known better/ cause now I feel like America/ underbelly R. Kelly gutter smut peddlers... that's not my twist, you're trying to send me to the therapist." But still, in the story his nubile love interest seems to relent until at the end of the second verse Black Thought spits, "it's your birthday so let me know the gift you wanna get/ in fact, blow out the candles on the cake and make a wish"... implying... something something?

I'm bad at parsing lyrics. But I know these catchy choruses are cringeworthy. "What is it we wanna do? Now that I'm allowed to be alone with you. It's your birthday, girl. It's your birthday."

Barf. But I'm also strangely enticed. Maybe when I find out what they really are talking about the mystery will let me leave this disgusting tune alone. I still can't believe they got the *other* guy from Fall Out Boy to do the hook.