Inescapable Internet Phenomenon for this week...

I want this so bad, you don't even know.

Tic Tac, anyone?

Welcome to the Internet...

Some weeks, there are these internet phenomenon that even transcend the world wide web. The mere act of signing on to AIM or checking your email will alert you to these amazing things. Your mom has, for instance, probably seen the dog humping Pikachu.

Sometimes it's a website, sometimes it's an mp3, but now with the addition of YouTube to our online arsenal, many times it's a video. This weekend there were two such inescapable clips, surely originating from opposite ends globally, morally, socially and politically.

First up we have President Bill Clinton putting the "smack down" on Wallace's show on Fox News. They go for Clinton's jugular, and Slick Willy doesn't back down, flipping the tables, holding his position and asserting the right wing hypocrisy. Full transcript here.



Next we have, uh, an Indian midget or kid dancing in a movie (?) that probably aired in the 80s. Me posting this totally negates the fact that I was watching something remotely "important" and "substantive" above. Wow.



You may now continue with your regularly scheduled programming...

Uh, awesome?

Weird Al always kills it with his polka medleys, but this time someone pasted the appropriate videos together. I can watch this all day.

City dumps rule against sleeping near urine or feces

This is a short entry. I have nothing else to say about this... Is that a pun in the headline?

Source.

So this girl just walked into the editorial deparment...

And says, "I have a question about tenses. Is it 'Mass Appeal and your company ARE a good fit,' or 'Mass Appeal and your company IS a good fit'?"

Despite this question not being about tenses, the editorial department said, almost in unison, "It's 'Mass Appeal and your company ARE a good fit.'"

To which she replied, "Are you sure? That's not what my spell check say."

I was the only one who laughed.

I should start knitting now

So I was at Barnes and Noble because I was kicked out of my place for an open house. I was walking around the periodicals section when I happened upon this magazine, Vogue Knitting. I'm pretty sure it's not related to regular Vogue, but I'm not sure (I'm not even sure if regular Vogue is still around). But Vogue might want to get their lawyers on the phone. I'm wondering if I can start a magazine called Us Weekly Lacrosse or Maxim GQ Esquire Birdwatching.

Anyway, you can't see it on the cover picture I posted, but look at this: the preview of the fall 06 issue. So there's the title: Vogue Knitting, a pretty black lady in a white sweater, a cliche coverline "pump up the volume, bigger is better," and right under it says "gray's anatomy." This is what stopped me dead in my tracks. In the bookstore, I sat there for about 20 seconds, thinking back to any times I had glanced at the show or any of the show's ads in the subway. Wasn't it "Grey's Anatomy"? I contemplated it more, and decided that the Grey in "Gre/ay's Anatomy" was supposed to be "Grey" as in Grey Matter, in addition to the lead character's namesake. Just to make sure, I walked over to the TV Guide magazine, prepared to flip through it to the listing for the show to doublecheck, but the coverboy this week seems to be 80s icon Patrick Dempsy, and right there on the front in big ugly font indeed read "Grey's Anatomy."

I had caught a typo, on the front cover of a magazine that had "Vogue" in it's name, no less! I was elated for some reason, and even considered taking a picture of it with my cell phone to show other people, but I thought that would be weird. On my walk back home, I decided that I would pen an email to this publication to let them know of their mistake. Fantasies swirled in my head that somehow I would replace the incompetent copy editor of the magazine, surely propelling myself into stardom from the career springboard that is Vogue Knitting. I check the website for details of how to contact the editors. But first, I want to read this feature. I hadn't even opened the magazine. Did they too have Patrick Dempsy spilling his guts about crocheting? Or that kinda hot blonde one revealing her love for fabrics? What was it? Well, it was this.

An old bitch in a sweater. They didn't even get that effeminate guy to model the stupid sweaters. They were gray sweaters. The lady has gray hair. It was a horrible, horrible play on words to capitalize on a popular television show. Gray's anatomy doesn't even make sense! What is the anatomy of this gray???? I hate Vogue Knitting. But probably because they made me feel stupid today.

Hey, I didn't like "I am Sam" either, but still...

T-ball coach to stand trial for $25 offer to bean player

PITTSBURGH -- A T-ball coach accused of offering an 8-year-old boy $25 to bean a disabled teammate is unlikely to receive a fair trial because of intense media coverage, the man's lawyer said.

Mark R. Downs Jr., 29, of Dunbar, was scheduled to go on trial Tuesday in Fayette County on a string of charges, including solicitation, corruption of minors and reckless endangerment. He refused a plea agreement in December.

Link.

A.) I know the story is about this dude getting a fair trial, but being accused of telling a kid to beam a disabled teammate is pretty fucked up, either way.

B.) Only $25? That's pretty cheap. (EDIT: I was thinking about this money amount on my walk back from the train station. It is entirely possible that $25 was all the coach allegedly had on his body to give the kid. That is improbable, however, as payment in this case did not need to be immediate, and adults carry more than $25 at a time.

While $25 at first seems like a nice, round number, being one fourth of $100, it is actually not that round. The bills that composed payment would most likely be a twenty and a five. Anything else seems needlessly awkward. But a twenty and a five are already awkward. Why not just the twenty?

I've never bet somebody $25, but $20 is common. Nobody throws around the amount $25 in casual conversation, which is one clue that this story is true, and that the coach is guilty, because if someone were to make up the amount, why would it be $25? We each have a subconscious list of things we would do for twenty dollars. Now up that amount to twenty-five. That list doesn't really change, does it? However, we are talking about an 8-year-old. That extra five dollars could have enticed him. I think the coach raised his bid until the kid agreed to peg the retard.)

C.) I played t-ball; when was there any pitching involved? It's called t-ball cuz you hit it off a tee. Was a special circumstance set up so that this kid would be beaned? No pun intended. Maybe it was just a regular position player throwing to him, to hit him. That's probably worse.

Newsflash: Poseidon is not Hindu...

There was a Hindu festival in Bombay in which colorful Ganesh statues were immersed into the Arabian Sea. Later that week, the sea spit them back out. These photos certainly make me contemplate religion, faith, nature and the fact that those statues probably ruin ecosystems. Link to more pics.

Snakes on a Plane star looking a little Marlon Brando-ish ...

Do all bad joke writers become journalists in Australia? The whole story is riddled with them.

Can a python bite off more than it can chew? Ewe bet

Humm

I don't have much social conciousness to bring to the table today. However, I have a cool video; he takes a picture of himself everyday and he slowly dies.




















Well, I wished he would slowly die in the video; is it wrong to want something more exciting?

New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits / Chinese food makes me sick

a.) I don't particularly love white girls (or people, for that matter).
b.) I don't think Chinese people need to "take back" the term "chink" by overusing it.
c.) These cartoons, however, are light-hearted, cute and I think I can relate to them.

So I set a bad precedent...

... by christening our awesome new blog with a video straight bitten from ebaumsworld, according to Justin. He paralleled the imitation to his favoritist band in the world, Sublime. Because I guess they bit everyone, including Lauryn Hill and Quincy Jones. Or maybe because I have an extremely bad heroin addiction.

Speaking of heroin addiction. HOT:

I dub this the "I'm Not Funny Project" anthem

I'm breaking a bottle on the bow. Bon appetit.